


Green Eggs and Krycek

by Mireille



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1997-01-27
Updated: 1997-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-09 22:41:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13491306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mireille/pseuds/Mireille
Summary: "Will you screw this Ratboy here?I will not screw him, Writer dear."Profound apologies are due to Dr. Seuss.





	Green Eggs and Krycek

**Author's Note:**

> Publication date is approximate--I'm pretty sure it was 1997, but the exact date eludes me. 
> 
> Once, long ago, I was trying to escape grading papers and writing a lesson plan that used _Green Eggs and Ham_. This happened.

Will you screw this Ratboy here?  
I will not screw him, Writer dear.  
I will not screw this Ratboy here.

//Would you screw him here or there?//  
I would not screw him here or there.  
I would not screw him anywhere.  
I do not like this Ratboy here.  
I do not like him, Writer dear.

//Would you screw him in your flat?  
Would you screw this charming Rat?//  
I would not let him in my flat.  
I would not screw that lying Rat.  
I would not screw him here or there.  
I would not screw him anywhere.  
I will not screw this Ratboy here.  
I do not like him, Writer dear.

//Would you screw him in a box?  
Would you let him call you Fox?//  
Not in a box.  
(*Don't* call me Fox.)  
Not in my flat.  
Not with that Rat.  
I would not screw him here or there.  
I would not screw him anywhere.  
I would not screw this Ratboy here.  
I do not like him, Writer dear.

//Would you? Could you? In a car?  
Handcuffs? Condoms? Here they are.//  
I would not, could not, in a car.

//You may like him. You will see.  
You may like him in a tree!//  
I would not, could not, in a tree.  
Not in a car! You let me be.  
I will not screw him in a box.  
I will not let him call me Fox.  
I will not screw him in my flat.  
I will not screw that lying Rat.  
I will not screw him here or there.  
I will not screw him anywhere.  
I will not screw this Ratboy here.  
I do not like him, Writer dear.

//A train! A train! A train! A train!  
Could you, would you, on a train?//  
Not on a train! Not in a tree!  
Not in a car! Just let me be!  
I would not, could not, in a box.  
I would not let him call me Fox.  
I will not screw that lying Rat.  
I will not screw him in my flat.  
I will not screw him here or there.  
I will not screw him anywhere.  
I will not screw this Ratboy here.  
I do not like him, Writer dear.

//Say!  
In the dark? Here in the dark?  
Would you,could you, in the dark?//  
I would not, could not, in the dark.

//Would you, could you, in the rain?//  
I would not, could not, in the rain.  
Not in the dark. Not on a train.  
Not in a car. Not in a tree.  
I do not want him, can't you see?  
Not in my flat. Not in a box.  
Not with that rat. (And *don't* call me Fox.)  
I will not screw him here or there.  
I will not screw him anywhere!

//You do not like this Ratboy here?//  
I do not like him, Writer dear.

//Could you, would you, on a goat?//  
I could not, would not, on a goat!  
//Would you, could you, on a boat?//  
I could not, would not, on a boat.  
I will not, will not, on a goat.  
I will not screw him in the rain.  
I will not screw him on a train.  
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!  
Not in a car! You let me be!  
I will not screw him in a box.  
I will not let him call me Fox.  
I will not screw him in my flat.  
I will not screw this lying rat.  
I will not screw him here or there.  
I will not screw him ANYWHERE!

I do not like this Ratboy here!  
I do not like him, Writer *dear.*

//You do not like him. So you say.  
Try him! Try him! And you may.  
Try him and you may, I say.//

Fine!  
If you will let me be,  
I will try him.  
You will see.

Say!  
I like this Ratboy here!  
I do! I like him, Writer dear!  
And I would screw him in a boat.  
I'm still not sure about the goat....  
But I would screw him in the rain.  
And in the dark. And on a train.  
And in a car. And in a tree.  
He is so good, so good, you see!  
So I will screw him in a box.  
(Don't push your luck. Don't call me Fox.)  
And I would screw him in my flat.  
He's got a gift for this, this Rat.  
So I will screw him here and there.  
Say! I will screw him ANYWHERE!  
I do so like this Ratboy here!  
Thank you! Thank you, Writer dear!

**Author's Note:**

> [me on tumblr](https://mireille719.tumblr.com)


End file.
